Men be LOVING their vehicles. Which is why it remains so confounding that boys will destroy any car or truck within a matter of very short months. At what point do they reverse course and become men – diligently scrubbing wheels, polishing clear coats, and coating dashboards with that special protective coating to guard against harmful UV rays? Probably when they become drivers, and buy into the myth that girls are somehow impressed by shiny cars. But until then, boys are the ultimate destroyers of all makes and models.
I know this because I have had many vehicles destroyed by boys, including a Honda van that was one of the most immaculate used vehicles ever sold. It was so immaculate that when first purchased from its original owner, an Air Force officer with a garage floor clean enough to roll sugar cookies on, I was informed that he had spent the previous day polishing minute imperfections from the clear coat finish with a clay detailing bar. If you’re not familiar with the use of a clay detailing bar, this is the equivalent of washing your laundry on the normal gentle cycle, then donning a pair of steel mesh gloves embedded with finely crushed diamonds for purposes of combing microscopic fibers of fabric and debris from each of your tube socks. It’s a little over the top.
Six months later, this van looked like it had been driven through an automatic car wash equipped with barbed wire scrubbing rotors. Things my three boys have done to this vehicle:
- rode entire length of the van with their bike handle scraping along the paint
- smushed Incredible Hulk stickers from the kid dentist on multiple interior windows
- rode entire length of the van with scooter handle scraping along the paint
- used rear window wiper as mountain climbing device, ripping it from its hinge. Twice.
- rode entire length of the van with plastic toy lawnmower scraping along the paint
- attempted to ride powered side doors as they were closing by dangling from outside handles
- rode entire length of the van with front teeth scraping along the paint
Ok, that last one is hypothetical, but there are so many scrapes along the entire length of that van that anything is possible. And now, things my two daughters have done to this vehicle:
- spilled granola bar crumbs in the back seat
Case closed. And I sure hope that Air Force guy doesn’t do much blog reading.