7. The Eating Race

Boys do not chew, they only swallow.  Food is merely shuffled around in their mouth long enough to get ready for the swallow, or stuffed into their cheeks while they say something to bother their sister.  Then down it goes – looking exactly like it did on their plate.  Giant slabs of meat.  Whole beans.  Pop-tarts still shaped in a rectangle.

After observing them at the dinner table, I have no idea how my boys are not doubled over in dire intestinal pain every night.  For years my wife and I have dutifully lectured these boys with all the warnings about how you must chew your food or you’ll get a terrible belly ache, and the only way to get really BIG muscles was to eat the broccoli SLOWLY.  But finally we gave up, because most of the time the boys were begging to go jump on the trampoline and we hadn’t take the second bite of our food yet.  On second thought, who needs to chew when you can jump on the trampoline 4 minutes after you sat down to dinner?  Not boys, that’s for sure.


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