8. The Poop Proclamation

When boys have to go number two, everyone residing along their path to the restroom is gonna hear about it.  Some people outside your family residence may hear about it, depending on your location.  Even if they are currently right next to the bathroom, boys will travel great distances just to inform someone – anyone – that it’s time to go.  If we are in the backyard, for instance, and a boy is in the front, he will bust through the front door, bust out the back door, then urgently yell the potty update to us at maximum throttle.  Our neighbors love this part.

It is nearly impossible for boys to go without telling someone first.  In fact, if we ever lost one of our boys, I am convinced that rescue teams would find him, days later, standing in the middle of the wilderness yelling at the top of his lungs, “MOM, I GOTTA GO POO POO!!!”

This behavior likely stems from month after faintly disturbing month of parents cooing and oohing about poo poo as if it were an olympic sport and every toddler trip to the potty a gold medal performance.  But even after potty training is achieved, boys continue to proclaim the headlines.  For unknown reasons, boys have a need to publicize bowel movements that rivals the need of politicians to publicize negative campaign ads.  And the lack of any self awareness continues once the deed is underway, as boys will routinely sit on the potty with the door wide open.  They’ll continue previous conversations by yelling to family members in other parts of the house right from their toilet location, just as if they were seated at the dinner table.  They will sing songs.  They will practice gymnastics moves.  Boys will display amazing feats of talent to anyone who passes by, all while sitting on the pot.

Any embarrassment caused by telling the entire present company they are about to poop does not present itself until well into their teen years.  Or their forties.  Girls, on the other hand, develop the secret bathroom routine nearly the day after they learn potty training.  The only thing you’ll ever notice about a girl potty break is a moment of subtle quietness after they’ve slipped away, perhaps followed by a pleasant waft of “Spring Lilac” air freshener that has gently followed the delicate girl out of the bathroom and down the hall.

Boys rarely use the air freshener.  But at least they always let you know when to watch out.

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6 thoughts on “8. The Poop Proclamation

  1. LOL! My son is 19 and still announces that he has to poop. I don’t think boys ever outgrow potty humor. What is up with that?!?

  2. Three weeks ago, God blessed us with our 3rd son. He is even more “boy” than the first two. I have never heard such a noisy baby when it comes to anything hiney-related! The grunts and groans that boy makes…he’s letting us know all his deeds right from the very beginning! I’ve enjoyed reading your blog very much! Reminds me to keep smiling even while cleaning up the continually pee-stained grout at the base of my toilet!

    • I have to thank my wife for the continual potty cleanup duty, for sure! I help once in a while, but it’s pretty much a daily duty with 3 boys in the bathroom, isn’t it? Somebody is ALWAYS missing the mark and NOBODY will admit it… Thanks for reading!

  3. ha ha! love that! our 6 year old son, now the distinguished age of 11 1/2, gave the most memorable poop declaration at our twin daughters 4th bday party. He had been fighting the urge for most the morning and when the opening of the gifts time was announced he danced out of the bathroom yelling to all the guests… “Hold on, i have to poop first.”….ahhhh…such good memories! and then of course there were the multiple times that he just dropped his drawers in the middle of the yard “to water a tree” (as my nephew says when he does this)….love boys, so much easier than girls in my opinion…they have much fewer words, and more unexplainable action…but i’d have a hundred boys parties over one girlie one…you just need a ball for boys..they wrestle out their disagreements and never hold a grudge or hold onto hurt feelings….and thats advice from a mom who has experienced both! 🙂

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