When boys have to go number two, everyone residing along their path to the restroom is gonna hear about it. Some people outside your family residence may hear about it, depending on your location. Even if they are currently right next to the bathroom, boys will travel great distances just to inform someone – anyone – that it’s time to go. If we are in the backyard, for instance, and a boy is in the front, he will bust through the front door, bust out the back door, then urgently yell the potty update to us at maximum throttle. Our neighbors love this part.
It is nearly impossible for boys to go without telling someone first. In fact, if we ever lost one of our boys, I am convinced that rescue teams would find him, days later, standing in the middle of the wilderness yelling at the top of his lungs, “MOM, I GOTTA GO POO POO!!!”
This behavior likely stems from month after faintly disturbing month of parents cooing and oohing about poo poo as if it were an olympic sport and every toddler trip to the potty a gold medal performance. But even after potty training is achieved, boys continue to proclaim the headlines. For unknown reasons, boys have a need to publicize bowel movements that rivals the need of politicians to publicize negative campaign ads. And the lack of any self awareness continues once the deed is underway, as boys will routinely sit on the potty with the door wide open. They’ll continue previous conversations by yelling to family members in other parts of the house right from their toilet location, just as if they were seated at the dinner table. They will sing songs. They will practice gymnastics moves. Boys will display amazing feats of talent to anyone who passes by, all while sitting on the pot.
Any embarrassment caused by telling the entire present company they are about to poop does not present itself until well into their teen years. Or their forties. Girls, on the other hand, develop the secret bathroom routine nearly the day after they learn potty training. The only thing you’ll ever notice about a girl potty break is a moment of subtle quietness after they’ve slipped away, perhaps followed by a pleasant waft of “Spring Lilac” air freshener that has gently followed the delicate girl out of the bathroom and down the hall.
Boys rarely use the air freshener. But at least they always let you know when to watch out.