“Do popsicles go on the couch?”
“How in the world did oatmeal get in your hair?”
“OK, WHO PUT YOGURT IN THE POTTY???”
I’ve noticed that many of the questions my wife has are about food. Most of these questions are ones I hear her exclaim while I’m on the other end of the phone call. (The majority of our phone calls end with her saying “Oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH I GOTTA GO!!” Click.) And there I sit at work, wondering… Yeah, who did put yogurt in the potty?
The boys did, that’s who. Give a boy some food and it’s like the secret signal to start wandering all over the house. Boys know the exact speed-to-drip ratio to ensure that popsicle syrup dirt spots create a perfectly symmetrical pattern on the carpet as they meander down the hall.
You know where boys eat crackers? On your side of the bed. They hold pillow fight parties in mom and dad’s room, and crackers or cookies are mandatory. Then you end up climbing in there that night and doing the one-armed sheet-dusting gyration where you try to arch your back up and swipe all the crumbs off the bed by raking your arm under your rear end… You know you do this. Just get up and start yanking the blankets off. That one-armed method never works.
If you have a suspicion that snack piracy is occurring in your pantry, or if you just want to find out what stuff your boys are really eating, look under their bed. Or in their closet. One weekend we cleaned out the brothers’ closet and found: popsicle stick, sucker stick, peach pit, gum wrapper, gum stuck to the carpet, raisins, and an entire carton of english muffins…empty. It was like an episode of Hoarders in there!
The “mobile food” problem is really just an extension of the “table food” problem, which is a subject for a whole other discussion – a long one, too. Once I approached the table at snack time and found all three boys using spoons to paint yogurt all over their chins and cheeks.
“What in the heck are you doing??” I said, because this is the required dad verbage.
“We’re building yogurt beards, Dad!!” a four-year-old told me.
So yeah, maybe we’re better off just letting them have roaming snack time.
What about you, where have you found boy food hiding at your place? 🙂