30. Eat Gross Stuff

You know the drill.  Nothing even comes close to boys in the gross department.  Well, of course there are many things in the world that are worse, but I’m talking about regular daily occurrences that most of us are forced to face on a routine basis.  Boys are foul. The stuff boys do is so gross that I am required to split this category into different sections.  I’ve already planned writings on gross stuff boys drink and touch — I could actually do multiple chapters on each of them.  Totally that much material.  Totally that much grossness.

But at the top of the nasty list is the stuff boys put in their mouth.  Ewww.  They must be crazy hungry, because boys are eating everything.  Stuff that falls on the floor under the table, to be found later?  Please.  This isn’t anywhere remotely near something boys would worry about.  To a boy, food found on the kitchen floor is EXACTLY IDENTICAL to food on a steaming hot entree immaculately placed before them by Emeril Lagasse.  If your boys were actually watching Emeril Lagasse do a cooking show they wouldn’t even be watching, they’d be crawling around down under the counter, scoping out scraps.

“Heeyy, found a chunk of plantain from last week’s episode!!”

Snack time.  BAM!!

Boys put things in their mouth without a care in the world.  Stale, rotten, dirty, sticky, dried up things.  Doesn’t matter.  If it’s vaguely a food-like item, or used to be one, it’s fair game.  Once at Dairy Queen I noticed four-year-old Nicholas was eating right through the paper wrapper on his cone.  Reaching over and taking it from his hand, I said “Yuk dude, you’re eating the paper!”  Nicholas reached into his mouth, pulled out a big hunk of paper, inspected for a moment, then calmly shoved it right back in there.

Then he just stared at me, chewing.

Like, “What?  Still had ice cream on it, man.”

It starts out early, of course.  Every baby begins their exploration of the known world by putting all nearby surroundings into their mouth, but boys are especially brave.  My wife watched baby Nathan crawling around and chewing on some hunk of something one day only to fish it out of his mouth and discover it was a spider.  Just a dried up, legs all curled in a ball spider.

Just chillin…

Eatin’ a spider.

I haven’t told him about it yet.  I’m saving it for some night ten years from now when his girlfriend is over and he has a mouthful of pizza rolls.  Should be awesome.

Things get slightly more logical as boys grow older, but still remain amazingly icky.  The best “eating gross stuff” moment I’ve seen recently didn’t even come from one of my boys, it came from one of their friends, Tucker.  (You can see him here, on a previous Photo Friday.)  After enjoying an overnight camp-out, we were fishing for catfish on a warm October day.  Hot dogs make perfect bait for catfish, and I had a few left over from the previous night’s dinner.  These wieners were grilled then left sitting on a chair overnight, and had now been carried around by boys and men all day and well into the afternoon by the time I cut a two inch segment and tossed it on the dock next to Tucker when he asked for some bait.  He picked it up with his wormy catfish hands, inspected briefly, then bit off one inch of hot dog and proceeded to shove the rest onto his hook.

Snack time, baby.  Boys will not be deterred.

Do we even want to know what gross stuff your boy had shoved in his mouth?

OF COURSE WE DO!!!  Please share!  🙂


14 thoughts on “30. Eat Gross Stuff

  1. 1. dusty cookies found behind the recliner

    2. a moth

    3. 2 -week- old-unreheated-coagulated- grease- leftovers

    4. dogfood

    5. moldy bread

    6. gum after going through clothes washer

    7. any and all candy found on the floor

    8. paper

    9. bacon grease assumed to be Mom’s coffee… Child exclaimed “that coffee tastes like bacon!”

    10.. of course………..BOOGERS

  2. 1. boogers. yours, mine, and his…. dogs
    2. anything on the ground: leaves, sticks, dirt.
    3. pencils.
    4. crayons.
    5. not sure about the dog food — only b/c he was tempted before and I am sure he ate it w/o my knowledge.

  3. Just want to give you a warning for your Caty (I can’t remember if I am spelling that right). Since boys are so gross, they teach their little sisters to be the same way. My boys were cleaning under their bed and found pretzel sticks that had been eaten through by little worms (dead ones still attached), and they let her eat it. I was able to dig out the pretzel, but didn’t find the worms. Washed out her mouth really well, and she still will take most anything they offer to her (eg. onion, vinegar, etc.) They will probably try hot-shot next. She also loves bugs and will pick up any bug they tell her too. My first daughter did not do this. Got to love those boys! Thanks for the laugh!

  4. We were at my oldest son’s hockey game and my youngest, who was 2 at the time was sitting in his buggy. Well I obviously had him parked too close to the boards, because he found someones old gum stuck there and decided he needed somthing to chew on. So before I realized what was happening, in it went and he got about 3 or 4 chews before I was able to get it out. eeeewwwwww!!

  5. Daddy long legged spider and my favorite, a tic tac after it had been stuck up his nose. Compliments of Justin… You’ll have to let your father-in-law know about that one. 🙂

  6. Once our neighbor lady was going to feed the dog and put the dry dogfood in a bowl on the counter and left it there to go do something else. Her husband came in, saw the bowl, and added milk and sat down to have his bowl of cereal. He ate the WHOLE BOWL and still did not realize it was dogfood!!! Yuck! Guess it won’t kill you, but it’s sure not what I want to eat!!

  7. Ugh…hot dog bait with cat fish essence. That is certified gross. Although, when my younger one had this habit of storing food in his mouth, I would force him to spit it out and re-eat it. It was gross to watch but he stopped doing it. You SHOULD do a series of gross stuff.

  8. I have to admit – my boys didn’t stick random, gross things in their mouth? Hmmm – something must be wrong with them? Although, the second-born (as we lovingly refer to him) used to lick random items. Car tires, windows at the mall, hands of strangers, floors, what ever happened to strike his fancy. We finally got him to stop around 4 after a bout of ring worm. :\

  9. Dried, curling spider? No. Just no. Of course, I found my 9 month old daughter eating a piece of glass one day from a shattered lamp that I thought I had obsessively cleaned up. One can never be obsessive enough around babies. I guess I would have picked a spider over glass. Hope you are still posting when you break out that spider story on your son, though!

  10. Pingback: 35. Touch Gross Stuff | Stuff Boys Do

  11. Pingback: 41. Drink Gross Stuff | Stuff Boys Do

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