37. Excessive Greetings

Many of my posts here include rundowns of conversations I’ve had with the boys, mainly originating from the back seat of the vehicle I happen to be driving.  I’ve learned that drive time means talk time for boys.  Question time.  Discovery time.  Ridiculous news update from school time.  It also means time for boys to make sure you are still inside the car, even if you were sitting right there 64 seconds earlier.

Connor: “Hey dad.”

Me: “Yeah buddy?”

Connor: “Did you know that we had races all the way out to that big tree that those kids spray painted the words on and we ran around it four times then all the way back to the monkey bars and I was the winner?”

Me: “Really?  Wow.  You win like all the races at recess.  You must be the fastest kid in second grade.”

Connor:  “Yeah, I am.  Me and Valentino.  Only I am faster than Valentino in a straight line but Valentino can be as fast as me when the girls are chasing us cause he can turn fast.”

Me: “Sweet.”

Connor:  “Hey Dad.”

Me:  “Yeah buddy?”

Connor: “If a cheetah raced a motorcycle do you think a cheetah could win?”

Do you see what’s happening here?  Every time a new thought process begins, the actual, physical presence of myself in the front seat of the vehicle is required to be reconfirmed. Short pause, long pause, doesn’t matter.  New topics or slight variations in topics always begin with the same phrase.

Nathan: “Hey dad!”

Me: “Yo.”

Nathan: “Um…Ben S. got in big trouble today cause he gave his cheese to Ben A. and the rule is no sharing snacks.”

Me: “Ouch.  Sharing cheese is bad business, dude.”

Short pause.

Nathan: “Hey Dad.”

Me: “Hey what?”

Nathan: “For Christmas I want a giant bounce house to go right in the front yard.”

It is February.  Bounce house Christmas presents and Ben S. cheese sticks are pressing matters, but why do boys feel the need to begin every thought process with a brand new salutation?

I don’t know.  But I do know that every time I hear “Hey Dad!”  I am up.  Boys got stuff to talk about.


21 thoughts on “37. Excessive Greetings

  1. So very true…mine even do that when I’m sitting right across the table from them during school…they’re looking right at me… and it’s a constant, “Mom?” Like maybe during the past 2 minutes while they were working, aliens abducted me and I now just LOOK like their mother! (Hey, it could happen….) 🙂

  2. I challenged my 10 year old to start a sentence without “Hey Mom”. Apparently this was quite a difficult thing to achieve because he was suddenly speechless, I could see he was thinking hard. He finally broke his silence by saying “Hey Phoebe”………..

  3. So true! It also works with “Hey Mom!” I hear that a million times a day too! I am glad to hear that Caleb wasn’t part of the “cheese sharing” at school! Wow, that’s serious!

    • Just kiddin’.

      This blog is like candy sometimes and steak some other times.

      Then other times it’s like cheese from friends and still in other moments it’s like wedding cake (the good kind).

      Those are all compliments, btw.

      • Very cool, thank you. 🙂 Quitter Conference has given me much steak to chew on… stay tuned for a bit more “red meat” coming soon to this blog. Gonna try and step outside the funny box. Not too far outside, but definitely add some more steak to go with the cheese and cake. And candy.

    • “Dad, can I ask you a question?” And once in a while, I indulge myself and say “Sounds like you just did, man.” Even though that joke is way to old and they have no idea what I’m even talking about.

  4. I find that the best response to this is to constantly address the boys in the same manner. “Hey. Caleb!” “Caleb!” “Caleb, Caleb, Caleb, Caleb!” Sometimes I sing it. Sometime I try to fake rhyme it with something ridiculous. Either way, the boys- all but the little dude (18 months)- “get it”. When they respond with the drab, “What Mom?”, I love to utter frustrating words like, “Oh I forgot.” or “I just wanted to hear your precious voice.” They know I love them so this works well. I think of it as thoughtful sarcasm. Looking forward to a post about the horribly impolite ways that boys wake up parents- sometime soon! 🙂

    • They are persistent! What’s maddening is that when I’m trying to get THEIR attention, it’s impossible. My go-to method is to repeat “Look in my eyes. My eyes! Look in my eyes!” until they do so. Then it’s possible they may be hearing me. I’ll work in the waking up one…good idea!

  5. God must feel the same way when people use various names for him as punctuation in prayer.

    “So, God, we know that you hear us, Lord, and that—father—you see us as children and want to be there with us. So, Jesus, we want to ask for your will, God . . .”

    • I have a friend who starts almost every prayer with “Heavenly Father, God we love you and we thank you Jesus for….” I think he’s just covering all his bases asap. Or trying to guarantee instant reception. I don’t know. 🙂

  6. Thank you so much for writing this blog. It’s so great to know other boys do all these things – it makes me realize that my three boys are not bizarre, they’re just … well, boys.

  7. My boy recently swapped “Hey Mum” to “Can I tell you something?” and has now moved on to “You know…”. Honestly, I think I was happier with the first option.

    Hilarious post as always. 🙂

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